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Archive for October, 2009

Values

October 23, 2009 2 comments

I mentioned in my last post how Twitter, among other things, has really been messing me up lately (in a great way).  One of the first places I began to notice this was one night last month when I read this tweet from Steve McCoy.

Screen shot 2009-10-23 at 9.58.15 PM

I immediately teared up.  It was kind of sad and silly but the more I thought about it the more I realized that 1) I wouldn’t have reacted that way and 2) I want to react that way.  I’ve read Don’t Waste Your Life.  I’m theoretically on board with the “war-time lifestyle” Piper talks about.  I want to live that way.  But it was something more than that.  The word “value” kept pounding me in the head, asking me “What do YOU value, Matthew?  What does your family value?”  I had a very hard time with this because A) I value myself more than anything else.  It’s pretty evident in my actions.  B) We’ve NEVER had a discussion as a family about what we value.  More than that, we’ve never had a discussion about what we want to value.

I’ve followed Steve on his blog and Twitter for some time.  I know what he and his family have gone through with his wife’s health problems.  No, I take that back – I don’t know what they have gone through but as I follow him on-line I do know what they value.  More specifically, I know where their treasure is and this is really where I started to get uncomfortable in my own skin.  When sickness, disease, or death comes my way, where is my treasure?  Is it the unsurpassed value of Jesus or is it the junk bonds of my own heart?

I know what the answer was.  I know what it is growing into more and more every day.  Shortly after the referenced tweet, I asked my wife to sit down with me and talk about what we value and want to value.  We’re striking from that list all that doesn’t find Jesus as our treasure.  This is probably the most difficult journey I’ve ever been on in my life because it’s causing me to let go of that which makes me comfortable and safe and grab hold of the mane of the Lion of Judah.

We’re not done with our list.  In fact, we haven’t touched it in a couple of weeks, but we’ll be back to it.  In the mean time I’m trying to be more comfortable in exposing myself (my heart!!!) to the woman I’ve been married to for 8 years (sorry it’s taking so long, sweetie!).  It’s kind of scary, but you know what?  I’ve not felt this alive in a very long time.

Thank you, Jesus!

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Terribly excited

October 22, 2009 3 comments

I keep pretending like I’m going to get back into blogging at this site. I haven’t spent much time thinking about the stuff that I want to write but I’ve been getting my butt kicked by the Holy Spirit lately and that’s provided a ton of things to think about and write. So, maybe.

I have been disciplined enough lately to write a weekly reflection post at the blog I use for church. Maybe there is a chance I’ll discipline myself to write. There’s also the fact that for the last two weeks I’ve been waking up before 6:00 AM. That’s odd because I’m not a morning person. I never have been. I’ve always wanted to be. I’ve prayed for some miraculous intervention by God Almighty that would change my personality and make me a morning person. Begrudgingly, it’s starting to happen. I’ve been waking up. I’ve been reading the Bible consistently. I’ve been praying.

I’ve been watching my flesh try to slap fight Jesus because it’s far more comfortable to breeze through life than to ask “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU, JESUS?”

It seems like lately the people on Twitter that I follow have been writing about things I’m dealing with in my heart. I’ve been writing my heart out in my journal only to find that some person I’ve never met has Tweeted my struggle. Then I turn around and have lunch with a friend who reaches into my heart, pulls out my fears, and makes me come to grips with them.

What a terrifying and exciting time in my life!

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Thoughts on Pastoral Leadership

These are a couple of links from the Resurgence by Mark Driscoll on pastoral leadership. I like Driscoll but these are especially great.

Leadership is Lonely Pt. 1

Leadership is Lonely Pt. 2

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